Civilization has been brought to its knees by the zombie apocalypse. Now you’re huddled up in your home and the lights in the neighborhood have just went dark. If you prepared for this moment, you’ve got a zombie survival kit and a fighting chance. If you haven’t, you’re a walking cheeseburger.
Getting prepared for the onslaught of zombies can’t happen when the first few rumors start floating about – “Hey did you hear about Phil’s grandmother? Apparently she died and then woke back up. Ate the whole family. Very odd.” Panic will be in full swing by then, and you’d be lucky to get your hands on a ketchup packet, let alone a solid weapon. Instead, you need to focus on your survival before the first sign of an outbreak. And survival means being prepared with your own zombie survival kit. Luckily, there are some fine harbingers of zombie survival capitalism that have created some kits that are ready to go. But are they really what you need? Here’s a review of 3 off-the-shelf kits as well as a list of what you need to make your own:
Every Day Carry Zombie 3 Day Survival / Disaster Preparedness Kit 5 Year Storage from Amazon.com – $34.99
What you get:
- First aid kit – a must have in any survival kit
- Waterproof matches – beats the hell out of rubbing two sticks together
- Emergency hammer – for breaking car windows and cutting seat belts
- Instruction sheet for how to prepare your home for an emergency – very good thinking
- Survival bracelet that can be used as rope – fashion and function meet
- Emergency blanket
- Six 125ml pouches of water – seriously, where’s the water FILTER so I don’t have to carry my own water?
- Energy bar – same one that’s in the Zombie Survival Kit from Overstock
- Whistle – for drawing zombies to your location intentionally?
The thought behind this one is good. The whole kit is relatively small and portable. You could keep one in your car, at your home and in your office. However, while planning only three days ahead could get buy you the time to get a real plan in place, this kit doesn’t fit the bill for actually enduring the zombie apocalypse. It’s all about day-to-day survival, but you need tools that can last you in the long run. Bad zombie survival kit. Bad! Get it here: Zombie Defense Solutions: 3-Day Survival Kit
Zombie Survival Kit from Overstock.com – $119.99
What you get:
- Para Bracelet that can be used as rope
- Survival Card Tool – whatever that means
- Snake Bite Kit – to use against zombie bites?
- Zombie Shank – for up-close or last resort combat
- Six (6) 4.2-ounce Water Pouches
- 3600 Calorie Food Bar – eats like a meal
- Protective Mask
- Emergency Poncho – shields from rain, snow, sleet and buckets of blood?
- Tissue Packs – gotta wipe
- Emergency Blankets – like regular blankets, but with blinking lights?
- Pair of Latex Gloves – hot
- Emergency Light Stick
- A damn whistle
- First Aid Kit
Sorry, but that machete looks a hell of a lot like a hatchet. Plus, only one food bar and about 25 ounces of water total? Come on…you can do better than this. Oh and the whistle…whose idea was that? Maybe it’s what you give the person in your group who you really don’t like – “Hey Bob, go run to the other end of the street and blow the whistle really loud. That should scare those things away.”
This would make for a cute gift, but it’s not for survival. Though, it does store nicely for up to 20 years. You can find it here.
Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet – $23,999
What you get:
Just about everything you can think of, except actual weapons.
- A myriad of weapons accessories like lasers, flashlights, scopes, etc.
- Cases and Backpacks
- Gun cleaning kit
- Ammunition reloaders – yes, you can reload your own spent shell casings. Waste not, want not.
- Tons of tools
- Protective gear
- Solar panels for electricity
- Laboratory equipment – in case you’re up for single-handedly finding the cure to the disease that has wiped out the majority of the human race
The kit here is amazing, if not overkill. There is no way one person could carry everything in this kit. If you’re going in on the apocalypse with a friend, this kit is a great self-defense kit for holding a position. However, once you’re on the move, it becomes far less effective. Buy it here. You know you want to.
Make your own zombie survival kit – Doing it right
1. A solid backpack. Go for something that’ll last. Ignore the Hello Kitty backpacks, as they’re often small and lack the fine craftsmanship you’ll need.
2. Handheld melee weapon or blade. This one is up to you. If you’re more comfortable with a baseball bat (metal) instead of an axe, go for the bat. If you’re down with swords, grab a high quality, full-hilt sword that can be used in combat. Don’t get fooled by display swords, they will break the first time you swing them.
If efficiency is your game, go with a crowbar. It’s incredibly effective as a melee weapon, still has sharp ends, and can be used for a myriad of other purposes.
3. Waterproof boots. You’re going to be doing a lot of hiking through various terrain. Get some comfortable hiking boots.
4. Firearm. Rifles, shotguns, pistols, whatever you feel most comfortable with. Remember, with each weapon there are pros and cons. Also, remember that you have to carry the ammo. If you’re going to encounter a lot of creatures, I’d suggest a smaller caliber handgun or rifle. It only takes one shot to the head to kill a zombie, regardless if that shot is from a .50 caliber sniper rifle or a simple .22.
5. Ammo. As much as you can reasonably carry.
6. Gun cleaning kit. Ask anyone in the military what’s more important, a clean body or a clean gun. Ditch the body wash, Alice, and grab a gun cleaning kit.
7. Water bottle with built in filtration. You don’t want to carry gallons of water with you. Speed is of the essence and on foot it’s impossible to carry more than a gallon or two of water with you. Grab a filtration bottle so you can drink from any water source you find along the way. Make sure it has at least a quart’s worth of capacity so you can carry some water with you.
8. Waterproof matches. Fire, good!
9. Knife. Grab one with a blade on one edge and a saw on the other. Both sides will come in handy.
10. Rechargable flashlight. A little hand-cranked number will do.
11. 1-2 pairs of breathable socks. Get athletic socks that are moisture wicking. That will help keep painful blisters away.
12. Compass. Your GPS runs on batteries. While the satellites will still work for months or even years, your GPS will be dead in a day or two, max. Learn to use a compass and a map.
14. Poncho or rain coat. You will be in the elements for probably the first time in your life. Grab yourself a poncho to stay dry. Soaked clothing is heavy and restricts movement. If it’s starting to get cold outside, that wet clothing will become unbearable.
15. Signaling mirror. This is the best way to attract welcome attention to yourself. It’s small, lightweight and can get the attention of other groups that can hopefully assist you. Be careful in who you contact though. Zombies aren’t the only creatures to fear.
16. Sleeping bag. You’d be surprised how cold it gets at night. Find a thin, thermal sleeping bag that’s easy to carry and reflects your own body heat back into the bag as you sleep. You’ll feel like a HotPocket. A warm, toasty HotPocket.
17. First aid kit. Get a light one with basic supplies like antibacterial cream, bandages and latex gloves.
18. Two way radio, if it’s more than just you. If you’re alone, don’t worry about the radio, it’ll just be added bulk. If there are two or more of you, stay in communication. Caveat: if you have a radio, you need batteries. Lots of batteries.
19. Fishing hooks with line. I don’t like fish. You may not like fish. But when push comes to shove, this is the best way to get much needed protein into your diet. Hunting with that rifle of yours is going to be too damn loud. Fishing will be nearly silent in comparison.
20. An ironclad will to survive.
Got something that I missed? Throw it in the comments. Let’s discuss.